The reality of coming up with a new piece of entertainment each month, requires us to ring the changes in concepts, in order
to keep our audience glued to their seats. As a matter of fact, what we actually do is nail the Clubhouse doors shut during
One gimmick that we utilise from time to time, is pantomime. We have a commentator, as opposed to a rare
tater, read the material, and the cast merely has to react. Featured in these shows are usually hosts of ridiculous props,
which are rushed on and off stage, helter-skelter, by the designated prop people for the evening. Amazingly we sometimes manage
to get the right props at the right place at the right time; but not very often.
Laid out for you here is our version
of Goldilocks, in which in excess of sixty props played a major role.
Capitalised phrases are the cast's reactions and
use of props. It's corny, but enjoy!
Characters :- The Reader, Goldilocks, The Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe, The
Old Woman's Husband, Little Red Riding Hood, Blackbeard ( Boo! Hiss!).
Introduction :- The story which I am going
to read tonight, brings to you the unpublished account of Goldilocks, love affair with Blackbeard, the second son of the notorious
Blackbeard. According to data unearthed, the entire affair raged over a period of months; it would of course be impossible
to bring you, in one short evening, the entire story, but I am reading for you, the final chapter with all its smashing drama.
Goldilocks is now a raging beauty of nineteen, and has been living for some time at the Shoe Boarding House with Little
Red Riding Hood who has also grown into a beautiful young lady. The boarding house is one which The Old Woman Who Lived In
A Shoe started when her children grew up and left home. Because of her great experience with children, she and her husband,
commonly known as The Old Man, have taken an interest in Goldilocks, and as you will soon hear, it is through their ingenuity
that Blackbeard is shown up in his true colours.
THE CURTAIN RISES.
Goldilocks sat at her dressing table, touching up her famous hair (Hare) with a peroxide bottle. (
TOUCHES TOY RABBIT HERE AND THERE WITH LARGE BOTTLE LABELED PEROXIDE). Not that it was really necessary, but she thought she
detected a few dark roots ( HOLDS UP A BUNCH OF BEETS), and as she was going to change her style of hairdressing from the
neat little bun she had always worn ( TURNS HEAD TO DISPLAY LARGE KAISER ROLL FASTENED IN HER HAIR), to a shingled effect,
( REMOVES ROLL, AND TAKES A ROOF SHINGLE WHICH SHE TIES TO HER HEAD)she thought she would be on the safe side.
Hood and the Old Woman entered the room which they had come to regard as a delightful gathering place, ( BOTH CARRY STRIPS
OF CLOTH WITH LOOSE THREADS, WHICH THEY NOW PULL SO THAT THE MATERIAL IS GATHERED) for Goldilocks had made a perfect bower
( GOLDILOCKS BOWS GRAVELY TO THE FLOOR) of it.
The Old Woman thought she would read awhile, so seating herself in a favourite
chair, she began to devour a thrilling serial. ( TAKES PACKET OF CORN FLAKES AND CRAMS HER MOUTH FULL) Red Riding Hood wandered
over to the dressing table to join Goldilocks. " How would you like me with a few bangs?" (SEVERAL LOUD BANGS OFFSTAGE)
she asked, studying her reflection in the mirror. " Not so hot," ( GOLDILOCKS PICKS UP CURLING IRON, TESTS IT WITH
MOISTENED FINGER, AND SHAKES HER HEAD) replied Goldilocks after a moment's thought. The two girls were very close, ( THEY
SCRUNCH UP CLOSE TOGETHER) so one never felt hurt at what the other said.
The Old Man now joined the circle. ( ENTERS
ROOM WITH STRIP OF PAPER AND JOINS ENDS TOGETHER INTO A CIRCLE) He had been loafing about the house ( PICKS UP TWO LOAVES
OF BREAD AND TOSSES THEM ABOUT) for several days as he had been striking ( SHADOW BOXES) for higher wages.
up your sleeve?" (OLD WOMAN LOOKS UP HIS SLEEVE) asked the Old Woman, as she collared her husband (GRABS HIM BY THE COLLAR)
in a corner. She could see that his spirits were low, ( TAKES WHISKEY BOTTLE FROM HIS POCKET AND HOLDS IT UP TO THE LIGHT)
and wanted to know what had gotten him down. (HE LIES DOWN ON FLOOR)
" I want to have a little talk with you and
Little Red Riding Hood." he replied. " Very well" she agreed, and turned to Goldilocks who was spraying perfume
behind her ears. (RED RIDING HOOD HELPS GOLDILOCKS SPRAY BEHIND EARS WITH A GARDEN HOSE) " Goldilocks, will you go see
if the mail has come?"
" Of course." Goldilocks willingly replied, and passed out of the room leaving
behind her delicious scent. (DROPS PENNY AS SHE LEAVES, THE OTHERS STAND OVER IT SNIFFING)
" Now then," inquired the Old Woman, settling down on the couch which was soft and squashy, (ADJUSTS PILLOWS AND
PULLS OUT SQUASH) " what do you want to talk over with us?"
" It's about Goldilocks and Blackbeard,"
said the Old Man, " something's got to be done about the case." ( HOLDS UP BRIEFCASE AND SHAKES HIS HEAD SADLY)
Red Riding Hood agreed. " You're darn tootin !"(HORN TOOTS OFFSTAGE) She had forgotten her careful raising. (OLD
WOMAN LIFTS HER.) "Really Red Riding Hood " reproved the Old Woman, knitting her brows ( TAKES KNITTING NEEDLES
AND MAKES IMAGINARY STITCHES AROUND HER EYES) "What do you think we should do ?" she asks turning to her husband.
" I don't know," shaking his head, " but it calls for strong measures." ( PULLS OUT TAPE MEASURE AND TESTS
ITS STRENGTH) " We have got to give that lemon the bounce some way ," Red Riding Hood declared. ( BOUNCES LEMON,
OR TENNIS BALL, ON THE FLOOR) " I'm afraid she is making up her mind to marry him." " If only we could make
her see Blackbeard in his true light," moaned the Old Woman. " I'm going to set the door ajar." announced Red
Riding Hood, (PLACES JAR IN DOORWAY) " so we can hear when she comes back upstairs." " Let's all knuckle down
(THEY ALL MAKE FISTS AND TURN KNUCKLES DOWN) and see if we can think of some way to prove what he really is." suggested
the Old Man.
" We have cared for her like our own ever since she came to live with us," murmured the Old Woman,
" and I would never forgive myself if we allowed her to marry this horrible creature." She gave signs of weeping,
(TAKES TWO SIGNS WITH WEEPING WRITTEN ON THEM AND HANDS THEM OUT) but controlled herself with effort. " The telegraph
boy has just been," cried Goldilocks suddenly entering the room with a wire in her hands. (SHE CARRIES A PIECE OF WIRE)
" And the message says that Blackbeard will be here to see me today." " Why don't you give him the sack?"
demanded Red Riding Hood impetuously. (HOLDS OUT GUNNY SACK) Goldilocks stared at her unbelievingly. Red Riding Hood's words
had given her quite a turn (TURNS AROUND SLOWLY) " Hush," whispered the Old Man, "let me do the talking, she
must be handled with kid gloves." (PUTS ON GLOVES AND RUNS HANDS OVER GOLDILOCKS) "My child," he began, "
we are only thinking of your happiness." He paused to think for a moment. One thing was certain; they must go to the
mat (HE AND GOLDILOCKS WALK TO DOOR AND STAND ON SMALL MAT) for her. " I think Blackbeard has everything to do with my
happiness," replied Goldilocks, considering the point carefully. (PICKS UP ICE PICK AND STARES INTENTLY AT ITS POINT)
The little group watched as she crossed the room to her dressing table, and thought it was no wonder everybody loved her,
she scattered sweetness wherever she went. (GOLDILOCKS CROSSES THE ROOM WITH SUGAR BOWL, SPRINKLING PACKETS OF SUGAR AS SHE
WALKS) The Old Woman hoped her husband would not get cold feet at this juncture, ( HELPS HIM ON WITH OVERSHOES) but he would
let nothing interfere with his duty. He addressed Goldilocks once more. " Have you considered Blackbeard's parentage?"
The effect on Goldilocks was decidedly chilling. (SHIVERS VIOLENTLY) " I have." she replied. " And the fact
that his father murdered a whole closet full of wives makes no difference to you?" inquired the Old Man, patting himself
on the back (PATS HIMSELF ON BACK) for having arrived at the difficult part of the scene so quickly. "Would you not wake
up thinking about it?" queried Red Riding Hood who thought they should all take a whack at her. (THEY ALL GIVE HER A
SLIGHT WHACK) The Old Woman would have liked to air her views too, (OPENS PHOTO ALBUM AND FANS IT) but she was afraid it would
be rubbing it in too much. (SHE RUBS GOLDILOCKS VIGOROUSLY) " Just because Old Blackbeard was horrible," said Goldilocks
defiantly, "that doesn't prove his son is going to take after him." " It just wasn't his father," explained
the Old Man, trying to make it as alarming (ALARM CLOCK GOES OFF) as possible, "his mother was strange too, if I have
the yarn straight. (HOLDS LENGTH OF STRAIGHT YARN)
END OF PART 1