The reality of coming up with a new piece of entertainment each month, requires us to ring the changes in concepts, in order to keep our audience glued to their seats. As a matter of fact, what we actually do is nail the Clubhouse doors shut during the performance.
One gimmick that we utilise from time to time, is pantomime. We have a commentator, as opposed to a rare tater, read the material, and the cast merely has to react. Featured in these shows are usually hosts of ridiculous props, which are rushed on and off stage, helter-skelter, by the designated prop people for the evening. Amazingly we sometimes manage to get the right props at the right place at the right time; but not very often.
Laid out for you here is our version of Goldilocks, in which in excess of sixty props played a major role.
Capitalised phrases are the cast's reactions and use of props. It's corny, but enjoy!

Characters :- The Reader, Goldilocks, The Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe, The Old Woman's Husband, Little Red Riding Hood, Blackbeard ( Boo! Hiss!).

Introduction :- The story which I am going to read tonight, brings to you the unpublished account of Goldilocks, love affair with Blackbeard, the second son of the notorious Blackbeard. According to data unearthed, the entire affair raged over a period of months; it would of course be impossible to bring you, in one short evening, the entire story, but I am reading for you, the final chapter with all its smashing drama.
Goldilocks is now a raging beauty of nineteen, and has been living for some time at the Shoe Boarding House with Little Red Riding Hood who has also grown into a beautiful young lady. The boarding house is one which The Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe started when her children grew up and left home. Because of her great experience with children, she and her husband, commonly known as The Old Man, have taken an interest in Goldilocks, and as you will soon hear, it is through their ingenuity that Blackbeard is shown up in his true colours.

THE CURTAIN RISES.
Goldilocks sat at her dressing table, touching up her famous hair (Hare) with a peroxide bottle. ( TOUCHES TOY RABBIT HERE AND THERE WITH LARGE BOTTLE LABELED PEROXIDE). Not that it was really necessary, but she thought she detected a few dark roots ( HOLDS UP A BUNCH OF BEETS), and as she was going to change her style of hairdressing from the neat little bun she had always worn ( TURNS HEAD TO DISPLAY LARGE KAISER ROLL FASTENED IN HER HAIR), to a shingled effect, ( REMOVES ROLL, AND TAKES A ROOF SHINGLE WHICH SHE TIES TO HER HEAD)she thought she would be on the safe side.
Red Riding Hood and the Old Woman entered the room which they had come to regard as a delightful gathering place, ( BOTH CARRY STRIPS OF CLOTH WITH LOOSE THREADS, WHICH THEY NOW PULL SO THAT THE MATERIAL IS GATHERED) for Goldilocks had made a perfect bower ( GOLDILOCKS BOWS GRAVELY TO THE FLOOR) of it.
The Old Woman thought she would read awhile, so seating herself in a favourite chair, she began to devour a thrilling serial. ( TAKES PACKET OF CORN FLAKES AND CRAMS HER MOUTH FULL) Red Riding Hood wandered over to the dressing table to join Goldilocks. " How would you like me with a few bangs?" (SEVERAL LOUD BANGS OFFSTAGE) she asked, studying her reflection in the mirror. " Not so hot," ( GOLDILOCKS PICKS UP CURLING IRON, TESTS IT WITH MOISTENED FINGER, AND SHAKES HER HEAD) replied Goldilocks after a moment's thought. The two girls were very close, ( THEY SCRUNCH UP CLOSE TOGETHER) so one never felt hurt at what the other said.
The Old Man now joined the circle. ( ENTERS ROOM WITH STRIP OF PAPER AND JOINS ENDS TOGETHER INTO A CIRCLE) He had been loafing about the house ( PICKS UP TWO LOAVES OF BREAD AND TOSSES THEM ABOUT) for several days as he had been striking ( SHADOW BOXES) for higher wages.
"What's up your sleeve?" (OLD WOMAN LOOKS UP HIS SLEEVE) asked the Old Woman, as she collared her husband (GRABS HIM BY THE COLLAR) in a corner. She could see that his spirits were low, ( TAKES WHISKEY BOTTLE FROM HIS POCKET AND HOLDS IT UP TO THE LIGHT) and wanted to know what had gotten him down. (HE LIES DOWN ON FLOOR)
" I want to have a little talk with you and Little Red Riding Hood." he replied. " Very well" she agreed, and turned to Goldilocks who was spraying perfume behind her ears. (RED RIDING HOOD HELPS GOLDILOCKS SPRAY BEHIND EARS WITH A GARDEN HOSE) " Goldilocks, will you go see if the mail has come?"
" Of course." Goldilocks willingly replied, and passed out of the room leaving behind her delicious scent. (DROPS PENNY AS SHE LEAVES, THE OTHERS STAND OVER IT SNIFFING)